Lately, I’ve realized that I’m coming out on the other side of the craziness of the past 6 months. And I also now feel comfortable enough to lay it all out, even if I’m the only one who reads this.
My hubby and I have been struggling for a very long time. A few years ago, it was brought to my attention that there may be a little sumpn’ sumpn’ going on with my husband and his ex girlfriend’s sister. After going through his Facebook, I discovered very well laid out plans between the two of them to hook up. I went a little “Irish” on them both and made him leave. It was a very stressful time, of course, but after a few weeks, I started missing him so bad and thought that if we could get help, we could maybe make it through.
The past two years have been hell a lot of the time. The trust was gone. I tried so very hard to get it back, but it was a lost cause. There was a moment last summer that he had taken his daughter for a weekend camping trip before school started and I spent a lot of the weekend alone. And I absolutely LOVED IT! It was so peaceful, no tension, no one sitting right across the room not speaking. No guilt over not wanting him to touch me. I got a small glimpse of what life would be like on my own and I craved it. That made me sad and I spend a lot of time crying. That Saturday evening as I was shutting the house down for the night, I knew I had a BIG decision to make. Sunday, they pulled in and were here about 10 minutes before I asked a simple question, he took it wrong and snapped at me. Yeah……. and there we go.
I sat with him that afternoon and told him what was in my heart and mind and that we either needed to get major marriage counseling or just call it quits. He promised the counseling. Unfortunately, our insurance wouldn’t cover it and it’s pretty expensive, so we tried on our own. Pffffffft I do believe I had been smacked with so many signs right in the face and I ignored every single one of them.
Fast forward to January. I had gotten up around 3 am one morning, being so stressed, I just was not sleeping well. Now, remember the trust issue….. I had a very strong gut feeling that I needed to check his phone. I tried ignoring it but finally gave in. Yes, I know it’s wrong, but I was proven right. There in color was a message from a hookup site between my husband and another woman, making plans to hook up and have sex if his job got rained out that day. As you can imagine, I was devastated. And I felt as if my whole heart just shattered. After all that had been going on, I was so FURIOUS!
He woke up that morning, grabbed some coffee and I followed him out on the porch. I asked him how long he’d been f*cking (her name)?! He said he wasn’t. I showed him the message. All he did was hang his head, say he was sorry and that he would move out. That’s it. That’s all I got. The next few much were hard as hell because he was stuck without the funds to move until the end of March. To add insult to injury, I was dumb enough to peek a few more times and the messages didn’t stop. Multiple women, flirting, planning, trading pics, etc.
It took a weeks and weeks after he moved out before I could stand to have a conversation with him without crying with anger. My self esteem took a major hit and all I kept wondering was, why wasn’t I enough.
Now it’s July and I’m all past that shit now. Believe it or not, him and I have gotten to the point where our relationship has actually shifted to friendship. We both realized we weren’t happy. I’m not sure he ever will be as he’s been now diagnosed with a Sex Addiction. YA THINK??!! I have learned a lot about and him and about myself since he moved out. I am loving living on my own, well with my son, and discovering the woman I always knew was inside somewhere. I’m happier at home, at work, with friends. There is no tension in my life at all right now. I’m in Heaven.
So just know, if your journey is just beginning, you CAN do this. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends you can trust not to gossip when you’re not around. Garden. Read. Write. Anything to keep yourself from wallowing at home alone. Go see a band. Go watch some volleyball at a bar. Get out of the house! You can do it. And if you need to vent, comment below. I’ll help if I can.
~~~~ Laura
Laura's World 